Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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