3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Holy sore nipples Batman
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
