We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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