Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
