I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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