There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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