I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
