From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize