if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
