I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
