This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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