Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
