Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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