if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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