Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just gargled with NyQuil
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
