I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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