Ambien. No doubt about it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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