You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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