I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize