I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize