I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
