I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
