I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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