Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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