Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
