dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
