and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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