we have officially lost it.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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