i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
