Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
