Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
