I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
