My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
