WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
