just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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