you told grandpa to call you daddy
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm bleeding and have questions
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
