In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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