I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
