just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
