is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize