I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
