Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
