after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
