just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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