Already got asked if we're dating
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
