I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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