In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
