Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
