im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
