She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
