I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
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