I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
