He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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