the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
one might say we're banned from that church
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
