You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
