Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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