Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
