i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
