Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
