best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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