I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i think my cat just said my name.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
