Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
