Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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