i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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