it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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