Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
