I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
