So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
